i love you more than the mountains
i love you more than the air i breathe
i love you more than the oceans and rivers
i love you more than anything i would ever need
i love you more than all my friends combined
i love you more than anything that means anything to me
i love you more than anything
i love you
more
i just love you
as you are
always
and forever
some bodies someone
of which i am not
not someone’s special
somebody
a friend i am
this I know
and a good one at that
my friends of course would all tell me
that I was someone special
and I always smile and say thank you
but….
there is no one to whom
I am that certain someone
just a friend to many
but special to none
well I guess that’s not really true
My mother and My Father
would absolutely
disagree
does it worry me
sometimes
am i sad
sometimes
I have tried to make it be less
important
i have tried to get use to it
I have tried to convince my self
that it’s ok
but some mornings I wake up
and i just can’t make myself
feel that way
you can’t wait ’til tomorrow comes
hoping that it was today
and not wanting to let it be yesterday
i have never been good at this
not in my entire life
there is always someone better
someone smarter
prettier younger
there is always someone
who has something more than I
i have what i have and can’t really change that
well i guess i can improve a few things
but in the end it really won’t matter
i am who i am and that really is all that i can be
sometimes i wonder
what is the point
then i think of something else
and forget what it is
i was so worried about
sometimes i dream
the same thing over and over again
sometimes my life
plays the same thing over and over again
a repeated slice of an image
in an endless loop
in my dreams i eventually wake up
and restart the picture
stopping the skip ending the loop
then there is my life
which is an entirely different matter
altogether
it pushes at the window
spidering through
the cracks in my pane
it blows and moans
seeking the smallest
of places it can penetrate
surrounding me in it’s chill
swallowing my breath
it takes
all that it can
it promises only that it will
blow through the hole
if it were to be let it in
and it knocks
and it knocks
hoping i will give in
i don’t know why i do what i do
i just do
the opportunity
presents itself
sometimes i do things to bide my time
sometimes i do it ’cause
i don’t know what else in the hell to do
maybe i am just bored
maybe there is a purpose
but most times …..
i don’t fuckin know
i am as clueless as the rest of us
i am starting to get more observant
i am getting that
but still
sometimes i just don’t fucking know
i just do
and sometimes it feels good
making my excitement
transpire into want and desire
the desire to expand the mind
to enlighten the soul
motivate my interest
move me from the place
from which i stand
invigorate the sleeping
dragons that hide inside
my mind of course
turn my thought
into my action
propel me to place
pen on paper
or finger on key
press down and
connect the thoughts
……
inspire me
i live my life
by trial and error
i present the facts
albeit i can jump
to conclusions
that i’d rather not
recognize
i lay out the evidence
although sometimes
it is a hit or miss
i present it to a
jury of my peers
sometimes i’m right
sometimes i’m wrong
but i acknowledge my
choices
rain or fire
night or day
white or black
it’s what it is
redefining the rules
or writing the guide lines
trial and error