strangegirl.net

orientation of a line

kim\ — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:57:46 +0000

drawn to close to see
separating the us from
the plain and the trite
pushing passed obstacles
blurred by indecision
but my eyes…
don’t see so clearly
reflectors and masks
color my vision
greys become blue
reds become white
blacks are just black
blocking out the common sense
muting the music that use to play in my mind
no more sound
no more light
no more imagination
just painful memories
repeating in my head

moments

kim\ — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:52:00 +0000

sometimes there are moments
you want to capture
lock up in a box
be able to see again
pure and original

as they start to fade
colors turn dark against the background
images become something else
brush strokes across the sky
loose their presence
a wind blows passed your face
like a lover forgotten

the moment moves on

and at the end

kim\ — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 04:44:33 +0000

the look in his eyes
was of confusion
maybe terror
i hope in some way
that might just be it
i returned the look
with no emotion
i had no tears
no feelings of regret
no want for anything more
just an end
simple and swift
there is no redemption
just truth
and the truth of him had spilled it’s guts
onto the pavement
wet and glistening
smearing it’s lies
onto the back of my mind
my heart felt nothing
as he drifted away
as the pale blue faded
i just let it go
and i never turned back

it never left

kim\ — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 01:33:55 +0000

thank god i lost motivation
after I had my shit together
getting back to where I started isn’t such a mystery
but trying to figure out how it got all fucked up
is a bit of conundrum

i have this pallet that I have chosen
for the last little while
to discard and leave to gather dust
but i have noticed it really isn’t so hard
to pick it up and blow the dust off

i wonder how it is that some never choose
to create a palette until they have run out of things to destroy
grasping for anything that they think will make their life complete
always feeling less than and fighting and insulting others
to make them think that they are more

so I think…
even though for a time i had given up
and tossed it all aside thinking i was the ruin
with my palette i will always have something to create
something that is never complete
but always growing

shaking

kim\ — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 04:58:34 +0000

i’m shaking
not because i’m cold
or i’m frightened
i’m just…
shaking

maybe it’s the
reality
sinking in
getting into the
blood stream
infusing into
the marrow
maybe it’s just…

that i don’t know…

i’m just…
shaking

everyone’s a suspect

kim\ — Wed, 13 May 2009 07:57:37 +0000

So the other night the serial arsonist struck
I heard the fire engine pull up outside my house
I got up out of my bed and
went to the window to see what was up
there they were parked right in front of MY house
I could see a bit of smoke
and thought cool some excitement
so I grabbed my pj bottoms and headed down the stairs to get a better look
and as i looked out the window on my deck
I saw the flames coming up through the floor boards

shit my house is on fire
oh shit my house is on
fire

i had to pee
i mean i had to pee bad
but my house was on fire
shit
i ran for the bathroom
just as the pounding on the door started
i’m peeing
screaming
ok ok i ‘m coming
the pounding on the door intensifying
screaming at me to get the fuck out
i peed
ran out into the hall
and i didn’t know what to do
do I have time to get my computer

do I have time…

do i have time…

I don’t know what exactly is burning
i don’t know how much is burning
but I do know that it is my house that is in fact
on fire

how fast will it burn
my survival instincts kick in
i run to the door
i run outside
and stand in the middle of the sidewalk
watching fireman hose down the front of my house
i’m shaking without control
my house is burning
but they are there to put it out
and i can’t stop shaking
i am a deer in the headlights
watching the thing i fear the most
try and take out the best of me

the fireman tell me there is a serial arsonist in the neighborhood
he’s hit 12 other houses in the last 6 weeks
oh great i’m lucky number 13
shit.. what the fuck…

they like to set the trash bins and recycling bins on fire
our bins were next to the house so the house started to burn
shit… what the fuck… who the fuck…
a serial arsonist…

the next day as i stand in front of my house and assess the damage
the reality of it hits me
i was so lucky
the fire dept were going to another fire when they saw ours
how lucky is that
another 5, 6 minutes and then a whole house a blaze
they just happen to go down our street
shit…

as people walk down the street they stop and stare
they ask what has happened
the whole story is replayed over and over again
and everyone who asks is suddenly assessed

why are you asking
why do you want to know
are you the one who did this

everyone one is a suspect
and the paranoia just grows
shit…

nothing new to report

kim\ — Fri, 08 May 2009 05:45:50 +0000

something new is not going to happen
something old is just that
something in between
is what happened the last time and that fucked me all up
so there is nothing that is something
just the dangling of the shadows reflected in the window
dancing to the music playing outside my head

making it through

kim\ — Mon, 04 May 2009 06:12:06 +0000

as i sit and listen to the fog horns
bellowing against the dark of the night
the ships blindly going forward
hoping to avoid a collision
i think how we all go through this life
sounding our horns
feeling our way through
some avoiding confrontation
others stirring up shit
anonymously thinking that it won’t come back to them
but eventually if one is not careful
the smugness in which they travel
will catch up to them
and thinking they are safe from tyranny
they will blunder and fall without grace
colliding into their past

profound in it’s eminence

kim\ — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 07:10:00 +0000

a loses b
c loses d
it is profound how the
eminent outcome to all of our lives
exceeds anything we can hold
tangibly up to the sun
how the
absolute answer is the one thing
we find the most unknown

i wished my father a happy birthday
and he ask that i wish him
a happy next birthday

and as i was saying
i’m sure you’ll have a next birthday
i found myself thinking

i hope you have a next birthday

it will come
i know it will
and i know i will live past it
but…
i don’t know how i will live through it
i will
no doubt
i just don’t know how

it was one of those days

kim\ — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 06:52:35 +0000

the weather was hot
here in San Francisco
My mom came to see me
and we went to a play
she likes when I spend time with her
and then at night
i saw a performer who I really like
Kimya Dawson
who was great
it was her by herself
on stage in a small little club
and it was hot but nobody really minded
I was inspired
I met her afterwards and she was really nice
and it made the whole day
seem like it was just one of those rare
days where everything seems to fit into place and
i felt like i was here for a reason
there is no wind and there is no fog
the stillness just seeps inside
but it is all good
i am so glad
right now that
I am here